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”“I want a pool, Bob!” barked Valerie. “I feel like a beached whale and you know Mom said that aqua therapy would be good for you.”“And a pool,” I said to Judy. “Let’s just go look at some things. Maybe we can narrow our wish list down.”“The kind of places you’re talking about are going to be in the half million or higher territory,” said Judy.“Okay, then,” I said. “We have all day.”The fact that Valerie was very, very pregnant might have influenced her a bit. She wanted a house to come home to from the hospital with our baby. That was going to be a tall order in any case, seeing as how buying a house usually takes a minimum of a month. There are lots of hoops to jump through. And then there was the issue of furnishing it, once we had it. That normally takes a while. Money can smooth over some of those bumps, but we didn’t have unlimited funds.Judy got to work on her computer, clicking and biting her lip. She finally looked up.“I need at least a ballpark figure on price,” she. I knew I was screwed whether or not I screwed Clarice, so I was in no hurry to stop pretending to be “indisposed.”I was poking around Jarvis’ room when I accidentally tripped a hidden catch and a piece of floor sank into the cellar. I instantly qualified to play “idiot #3” in a “buckets of blood” horror movie by walking down the hidden stairs into the cellar. There were a museum’s worth of oddities neatly boxed, labeled, and stored on shelves.I can’t claim any credit for what happened next. It was pure dumb luck. I tripped over my own size 14 shoes and face planted. When I tried to get up, I staggered. I knocked over a shelf and as I was falling into the mess of broken boxes I remember thinking the whole sequence would have made a great “Drunken Bum” scene in one of “Dirty’s” movies.I was out for a while. Clarice got worried and came looking for me. She extricated me from the mess and helped me up the steep, narrow stairs. She took me into the bathroom, stripped me, and pushed me into.
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